Monday, March 16, 2009

Polticial Cows


DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

8 comments:

  1. That is highly entertaining! Love it!

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  2. I personally like the Italian Cow...life sounds sooo good.

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  3. Chinese Olympic Committee: You have two calf's whose documents you forge to convince everybody you have two cows. Then you surround your two cows with CGI cows to show everybody how many cows you could supposedly have in twenty years.

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  4. Very funny. I had received these in an email. Some of my favorites not shown above:

    British Democracy
    You have two cows.
    You feed them sheep brains and they go mad.
    The government doesn't do anything.

    Dictatorship
    You have two cows.
    The government takes both and shoots you.

    An Arkansas Corporation
    You have two cows, the one on the left is kinda cute.

    :)

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  5. those are really funny additional ones...I like the dictatorship

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  6. Indian Corporation: You have two cows.
    You worship both of them.

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  7. Choctaw Tribe: You have two cows...aww screw it, lets go get drunk and play some bingo

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  8. Cow Tribute to the Dallas Guys:

    Dylan's Life: You have two cows. Both lay golden eggs.

    Casey's Life: You had two cows and they both tasted great.

    Brett's Life: You have two cows, but keep calling them chickens.

    Justin's Life: You have two cows, but feel the need to correct me and tell me that you actually have two Brahman Cows even though their markings are consistent with Hereford Cows, which is funny because normally Hereford Cows are only ever confused with Danish Red Cows.

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