Friday, April 17, 2009

Jake Eulogy


It's Friday! You made it through another week without killing your boss, congratulations. I had a request for a blog where everyone shares their funniest Jake stories. Many of these stories will no doubt involve a few expletives, but no worries, just insert a few dashes and we'll be fine. I also have no doubt that depending on who shares what, I'm going to end up looking like an ass after this posting, but that's ok too. As long as everyone gets a good laugh at my expense. Some of my personal favorites include:

- Bloop
- My Dead Horse Pepper
- My Secret Jeep Wrangler
- New Year's Eve Footrace
- Trailer Park Trash Sideburns Screw Your Mom (Kelly and Sarah's place)
- Melvin Bouncer (seriously I was just sitting there having a cocktail)
- Assault of a 13 year old Assistant Park Ranger with a blow-up doll (was that a boy or a girl?)

So have at it. Also, check out Ray's mustache...is that thing for real?

23 comments:

  1. Vanessa- If no one posts on this I'm going to blame you.

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  2. How about the time the Teitz's had a party and for some reason you decided it would be a good idea to go swimming in the pool and Cindy had to come get you and take you to change your clothes. OR How about when you and Cindy had a party and we all went to go look at other houses and you took Lucy with us, and you passed out on the yard across from the Teitz's and Lucy peed right next to your head and then pawed the grass and kicked it all over you. LOL

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  3. There's too much to write for our cruise that we went on our senior year so I will note the highlights:

    -- Jake getting wasted for the first time...he was a pro from day 1.

    -- Jake getting burned so bad he was bed ridden for two days.

    -- Jake and I putting all the money we had left for the vacation (half-way through) on one spin of the roulette wheel and winning.

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  4. I thought of another one! You, Vanessa, and I listening and singing to "Standing outside the Fire" really loud while everyone else was outside at the Holley's. HAHAHAHA

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  5. Sarah, please tell us the bloop story and the assault on a 13 year old asst. park ranger story. I was dying last night hearing those again.

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  6. Yea, tells about the Bloop story, I think I know which one that was.

    Don't forget the time we had a party at Jake's house when our house was under construction, so after everyone was toast we did a walk through at night. Nice thing we know Jake and Lucy are in our bathtub in the middle of the bedroom passed out.

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  7. I will never forget Jake dressed up as a bunny and Cindy dressed up as Super Woman for Halloween freshman year of college. They were both hilarious looking and drunk as hell, and they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

    Hey Jake, is that a carrot in you onesy?

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  8. LOL. In the architecture bldg. at UH (which is 4 floors with a whole atrium space in the middle so you can hear everything and it echos)there was someone that would go "bloop" every like 5 to 7 mins. This was very annoying to hear, but very much so to Jake. Well one of the many late nights we where all up there and we were about to leave to go get food at about midnight. We asked Jake if he wanted to go with us and he jump up and said (very loudly) "Lets do this thing! And whoever is making that Bloop noise....if you bloop one more f****** time I am going to kick you a**!"
    That is one of my favorites for sure.

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  9. The secret Jeep Wrangler? You mean the jeep mom and dad bought when you were 15 to try and train you to drive a manual (keyword try, if I remember correctly, it didn't go well at all)

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  10. Many Indian moons ago (middle school), Jake (the leader of the skateboarding crew, aka “The Skaters”) got into a dispute over something you could only understand as a pupil of an 8th grade Football/Jesus coach (we will call him “Coach Smith”). This disagreement was with another 8th grade boy that was shaving almost daily, which was quite intimidating to a new exiled boy’s choir boy like me. However, Jake, the leader of The Skaters was not at all intimidated by this face-hair having boy and was willing to stand and even fight for his respect of the hall at the end of Austin Academy for Excellence known as the 8th grade hall. He wasn’t alone, he did have his faithful following behind him (Kyle ________, Steven Oliver, Jared Swanson (?), you know . . . those guys. Please insert additional names you remember here.). After a full morning of gossip, which might of included such topics as Kelly Geengrich’s backside, Lindsey McCully’s upper front side, or maybe even Ashley Bennett and Matt Bridges’ “blasting and tugging” experiment at Hollywood movie theatre, it was finally time. Jake Donaldson and The Skaters walked down the hall in one direction, while Matt Fernandez (yes Casey you were right, Matt Fernandez) and “The Preps” headed toward them from the opposite end. What happened next? Well I am sure there are many versions of this story out there, but the most accurate is that absolutely nothing happened. There was no brouhaha of any kind, just two boys working out their testosterone issues by sticking their chests out and seeing how many followers join behind them and which of their followers would stay loyal. I can’t really say who won the guerilla (for you Casey) maneuver, but Jake would later use this tactic to take on Lisa Inman in a battle for school dominance as Student Counsel President at Garland High (which he won). And by winning this hard fought match against a girl, he got to meet the girl of his dreams, who I just found out will be able to see his bald head even more clearly than ever next week.

    Sorry for the spelling mistakes and grammar errors. Just a fun story I will never forget. If anyone has any additions, please fill free to add them.

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  11. Sorry for the horrible idea. I like that I only get credit when the idea bombs.

    One of my favorites…

    After all of us took full advantage of the open bar at the NAIOP event, you yelled at everyone to “get the f--- out of your car!”, and left me and Eric stranded back at work, because our cars were actually at Eric’s house. I believe you and Eric had been arguing over who was more capable of driving at that point. Your key point against Eric being – “If your so sober than why are you driving with a Spanish music station on?”

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  12. Man, I am seeing a trend...do we all need to take Jake to AA meetings...and if so, can we drink there?

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  13. Jake, I completely understand if you don't let this go through. It's really just for you. That said, I will never forget Jake Donaldson rolling around in the middle of the street in front of Bob's house at two or three in the morning begging Bob to let Jake felate him. Bob was so angry and the rest of us could not stop laughing. Thanks Jake.

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  14. Yes, that was an awesome night. I wanted to tell that story but I wasn't sure how to make it appropriate for this blog. Wasn't that the same night we all went to waffle house and you just absolutely pigged out. If I remember correctly, you ordered a crap load of food, covered it with syrup, and then poured a bunch of sugar on top of everything as well.

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  15. or what about the time Jake wanted someones toast at Denny's and they said "order your own Jake", so when the lady came by, Jake said " Mrs., can I please have another meatlovers skillet with extra toast". What an eater.

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  16. Boss- I mean really, it was a simple request. I don't understand why he got so angry.

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  17. Every couple of minutes the bloop guy would say 'bloop' while he was doing autocad with his headphones on. I don't know if he was aware that he was doing it, but it was really pissing me off because it was like 3am in the morning and all of us were exhausted.

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  18. Kelly - No, the secret Jeep was the one I told Cindy that I bought with all the money I made from day trading. I told her I had it in storage so that my parents wouldn't find out about it.

    And yes I did learn how to drive a stick in the Jeep Wrangler and yes it was hard. If I'm not mistaken I don't think you know how to drive a manual.

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  19. Pepper was a lie that I told Cindy about a horse that I adopted from Boyscout Summer Horse Camp. I think it had something to do with me having to put the horse down.

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  20. Keith is the only one qualified to tell the Melvin bouncer story.

    Sarah tells the best assault on a 13 year old park ranger story.

    If Casey can remember it, he tells the best take your sideburns and go screw your mom story.

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  21. I don't know how to drive a manual because dad was so traumatized from trying to teach you.

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  22. Man, Friday was not a good day to miss work! This is a good blog! Though Dylan's vivid recollection was very good and pretty much exactly as I remember the whole ordeal and Jake's overall demeanor in middle school, I think you stole two of my favorites with the Jeep and the sideburns. I mean, you had Cindy so excited about how you had won like $50,000 in the lottery and had bought a Jeep and were keeping it in a storage facility because you didn't want you parents to know yet. I really have no idea why she ever believes a word you say. And the sideburns line was just magical and timeless.

    And since to some readers on this blog ignorance can be bliss, I will just close with a quote.

    "I made a pooty! I made a pooty pooty pooty pooty!!!"

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