Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Burglar Hypothetical


Following up on yesterday's blog and comments, here is a new hypothetical situation:

- You and your spouse wake up to the sound of shattering glass at 3am. Your spouse goes to check it out and then you hear a gun shot. You get your gun from the top shelf of your closet and run into the kitchen where you see a man in dark clothes holding a gun and standing over your spouse who appears to be shot and dead, lying on the floor. You point and shoot a couple of times at the intruder, but not being skilled at firing a weapon you only hit the intruder once in the shoulder. The intruder falls to the floor and the weapon slides across the floor to the other side of the kitchen. The intruder is still alive and conscious, but is slumped on the ground holding his shoulder and appears to be in too much pain to get up.

Split decision, what do you do next?
A. Run into the bedroom, lock the door, and call the police.
B. Continue to aim the gun at the intruder and call the police.
C. Shoot the intruder in the leg to make sure they don't go anywhere and then call the police.
D. Empty your clip on the person and then call the police.

47 comments:

  1. You better believe I am emptying my clip. You just shot my hypothetical wife holmes, prepare to die! Then I would shoot myself in the head for letting my wife go check on the situation.

    Speaking of holmes, has anyone seen the Sherlock Holmes preview. Since when is Sherlock an action star with an attitude? Why is it the only movies that look like they have any promise these days are remakes? Is it really that hard to write new stories that are good? There has not been one blockbuster movie this summer that was not a spin off, sequel, or prequel. Or in the case of Sar Trek, a prequel / sequel / remake.

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  2. I would check on the hypothetical spouse first. Then it is quite possible I will be shooting that burglar a couple more times, even though I'd like to say I wouldn't.

    Wendy - I think you've got a good one there ;)

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  3. empty the clip, no hesitation

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  4. Waste the mother f***er. No other decision. What if he has another gun. What if he is faking. What if that was just a movie stunt squib he exploded to make you think you shot him.

    The point is, you have no idea what is going to happen or what this ex Army Ranger is capable of. You kill him and tell whatever story you want to the police.

    On a side note, my wife is a dumb B to let herself get shot, but I guess 19 year olds are not the smartest they will ever be. You get to trade her in for a younger bride and hope she waits till at least 25 to make the same dumb decision of getting shot in the head.

    I vote for FREEDOM from people with guns, but that's just me.

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  5. Steven Colbert Thinks that the N.R.A.'s stance on guns is too weak. They will let you pry them from their cold dead fingers. He's going to use super glue.

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  6. I vote C&D. Except, shoot him in both legs and his crotch (yes crotch, he just shot your wife), procede to take his gun, now you know he's not going anywhere, then call the police and know that hopefully he will see his day in court.

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  7. This would depend on if I have a hypathetical kid. If I have no one to look after and can risk going to jail I would shoot him, then I would go to work on him. Shoot Heather and I will make him feel pain he did not know exeisted, how says empty a clip when you have a set of knives in the kitchen. So now that I disterbed everyone, if I had a kid...for the sake of being around to raise them I would go with option B.

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  8. First, Brett makes a valid point and makes this argument erroneous by assuming that your wife is going to check on the noise while you are getting your gun. Turn the gun on yourself for sure because you just killed your wife. This should never be a realized situation.

    Second, where is my option of E) Stand over his dead body and admire your fresh kill because you know how to shoot a gun and can adequately defend yourself in a life and death situation?

    Third, if you choose A then you are a huge poon but you will stay out of jail - C has the potential for you to go to jail and in fact, I think you would be convicted of some assault charge - D still has the potential to send you to jail if the forensics figure out the angle of the bullet entry show you standing directly over him. B is the best answer and should allow for a smooth transition back to normal life (but minus your dead wife). But the moment that bastard makes any sudden move at your gunpoint, you automatically go to D.

    Tiffany - I promise to never rob you and kill your husband! But if I do and you end up shooting me in both my legs and my crotch then know that you will see your day in court too because I will press charges like a mug!!!

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  9. First off, neither spouse should be going to check it out....that's just dumb. In a class I took for my concealed handgun license they said that the use of gunfire was the very last option. They also said that if you had to use this last option...the best witness, aka bad guy, is a dead witness. Enough said. Although, I don't think I would ever empty a clip into someone. Unless it was a bad guy or scary monster from a horror movie...those guys NEVER die.

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  10. Hey Joe, where ya goin with that gun in your hand?

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  11. I hope you were not quoting Tombstone there Matt, because if you were, you botched it.

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  12. E) The spouse (she or he) had it coming, for going to investigate the noise in the first place. The (alleged) "intruder" deserves an apology and a parting gift (I would suggest something that belonged to your spouse...not like they're going to use it anymore. HA!)

    Before you go thinking I have lost my mind, you didn't let me finish.... It's not the intruders fault that the spouse came to investigate instead of calling the police and/or taking a defensive position in the bedroom and/or fleeing out the side door. There again, a choice was made to override millions of years of evolution telling him/her to flee from danger. To get this you must accept that the intruder is not just some faceless thing lurking in the dark, but that he (or she) is a real person, with real feelings and is just trying to do his(or her) job and support a family...just like you used to have. Their job in this scenario is to take your stuff and simply because you have it and they want it and will get it. Your job is to protect your family, not your stuff, your family. You failed to do so, when you a) allowed your spouse to go investigate, b) didn't already notify the police, c) bought the gun to shoot anyone looking to take your stuff. Your biggest failure was that you didn't have a plan in place that didn't end with your spouse getting shot to death. So for this, should the intruder be punished or even murdered for your failure to protect your family, I think no! I believe that an apology would be in order, becasue you and your spouse have wasted both his time and bullets....see.

    ...but seriously....I would probably go on a Payback- or Taken-esque rampage.

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  13. That is Jimi Hendrix there Brett. Obviously not be confused with somebody shouting at Johnny Tyler and wondering where he's going with that shotgun!

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  14. Well then let's assume that you didn't hear glass breaking, your spouse was just in the kitchen getting a glass of water when you were waken up by a gunshot. And let's also assume that there was no window breaking that you slept through, but that the intruder had one of those really advanced glass cutting suction cup things and didn't make a sound breaking into your house.

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  15. And let's also assume that you were skilled and well-trained with the gun but the intruder had stealthy moves like a ninja or tiger cat and if anything you're lucky you wounded him at all.

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  16. Why is an expert robber, with an advanced glass cutting suction cup things and stealthy moves like a ninja or a tiger cat, robbing my house? I think he should really aim higher and reach his full potential.

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  17. Oh and Keith, let's assume that the intruder was impolite enough to not phone or give notice prior to showing up to "take" all of your stuff. And let's also assume that he told you during the incident that he has he is only committing this crime to try and ruin you and your family's lives. He has no desire to make any kind of financial profit nor does he have a family to support. And he doesn't accept apologies. Basically imagine Chuck Norris' evil twin.

    I think that resolves JB's, Brett's, and Keith's problems with the hypothetical.

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  18. Tombstone is a great movie.

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  19. Well if we are assuming things then, Savannah has skilled training of being an attack dog and will not run away at the sight of a person.

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  20. Great points

    Vanessa - Let's assume that the intruder's older brother is really more skilled and the tools belong to him. The current intruder snuck them out of his brother's room and is going on his first heist so he wanted to start small, but he has learned many of his brother's skills and has a lot of natural talent. You might wonder why his older career criminal brother is living at home, well it's all part of his cover.

    Kevin - Let's assume that you have the kind of dog that pees itself everytime it sees anything that resembles a human being or leaf and although it noticed the younger criminal brother expert glass cutting into its owner's house, it could only stick its tail between its legs and pee. The bark was stuck in its throat.

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  21. So, Jake, really you are saying I can modify my dog and have to stick with the scared one that pees every time Cindy comes over to watch her.

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  22. Should we also assume the house has no alarm system? Because I live in a house with an alarm (also set at night) and three locks on both the front and back door (which I lock and unlock 7 times before I leave each day)

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  23. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG (The sounds of screaming and bleeding and simultaneous reloading) BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG...Next day's headline reads "Local Sure Shot Successfully Shoots Bad Guy 14 Times in the Testicles for Putting a Bullet Hole in His Sex-Robot Wife"...Let the ticker-tape parade begin!

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  24. Moonbeam 3000 - Yes let's just pretend that you have a skiddish dog for the sake of this hypothetical. If that's too much of a stretch for your imagination then let's assume that the intruder fed your dog some really yummy treats and made it pass out so it was no longer a threat.

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  25. Sarah - Let's assume that the couple was using debt as an effective wealth building management tool and was also participating in Justin's Efusion downline opportunity and therefore had allowed the contract with their alarm system company to elapse due to a shortage of liquid funds. So at the time of the robbery the alarm system was off. And cutting through the window takes care of the deadbolt problem.

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  26. Justin, what good is pressing charges going to do you? You're are probably about to spend life in prison and I will take satisfaction in knowing that:
    A) You suffered, just as I would mouring my loss.
    B) You will continue to suffer in prison when you really become someone's wife (don't drop the soap buddy)

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  27. Tiffany - But the burglar did not go there to kill your spouse, he was there to rob your place and your spouse getting shot was an unfortunate accident. So when he only gets 5-7 for B&E and involuntary manslaughter, gets butt buttered for 5 years, and then gets off on paraole who do you think this nut crippled man with a limp is coming looking for?

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  28. I'm going to throw a rock through all of your windows tonight.

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  29. Justin~ If his intentions were to do no harm, why did he come with a loaded gun in the first place? Not involuntary.

    Also note that when you get out I will have a 12 gauge pump loaded with buck shots (in which I will use every single bullett and possibly reload) waiting for you should you so decide to pay me a visit. Bang, Bang, Bang is right Casey!

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  30. Jake - What if the couple lived in a house with no windows? They just don't like them.

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  31. 1. Jake, don't say "B&E" you sound ridiculous.

    2. He wouldn't get involuntary manslaughter. He'd get felony murder. Look it up.

    3. If this happens in Texas, we'd be protected, thanks to re-defining of the Castle Doctrine in our glorious, gun loving state. Look it up.

    4. This one-nut wonder comes looking for me, he better wear a bullet proof cup.

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  32. and I meant that for Jake, not Justin, oops

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  33. You will have to get by our Security Gaurd first on Jake's and My house first....unless Jake has a something for that.

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  34. What if the burglar was a member of the opposite sex and smokin' hot....I mean technically your single now?

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  35. Vanessa,
    you win the award for out Dylaning Dylan! Way to go!!!

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  36. Good point V, but they do have moral issues and can you build a relationship on that...do you think she would settle down and stop shooting people.

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  37. Tiffany & Casey - You're right, I was wrong with involuntary, 5-7, and B&E. My point was that it was not premeditated murder and let's assume that Casey represents the guy, actually shows up for court on time, and then succeeds in convincing the jury that the intruder only brought the gun to scare the people, but didn't mean to shoot anyone and didn't even know the gun was loaded, it belongs to his brother anyway. My point being that the guy would eventually get out of jail and come looking for you. So instead of never sleeping again like in Tiffany's hypothetical, why no finish the job while he's already got one in his shoulder on your kitchen floor?

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  38. Sarah - You're right, they can't stand windows, but they do have a dog as well as a doggie door, which is how the intruder got in! Booya! Turns out he didn't need his brother's fancy gadget after all.

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  39. Yes, I am both proud and ashamed ...and sorry for not grammar checking myself.

    Also I am not talking to Casey...you know why ;)

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  40. Kevin - Yes good point, the robber would have to enter the neighborhood between the hours of 2am - 5am while the security guard is "working" (sleeping). As anyone who has ever been to a Tietz or Donaldson (different than DONALDSON holley) party knows, it's really difficult to get into our neighborhood, our security is fool-proof.

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  41. Vanessa - So let's assume that the intruder is the opposite sex, smoking hot, and his/her hotness allows to get past the fact that they killed your spouse. Everyone knows the first relationship after a big break up is always a rebound and never lasts, so when it ends, we can assume that you will then finish the job and empty your clip (like that and that). So the hypothetical still works.

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  42. You're right Jake...thank goodness for the rebound rule and in addition to that everyone knows "relationships based on intense experiences never work" see Speed movie. So I concede your hypothetical still works.

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  43. Vanessa, I'm sure my jackass roommates didn't inform you that I gave them a card with my portion of the weekend expenses in it. Granted several of the dollars were in quarter form, but the vast majority was in paper money. It also had a card that apologized for my absence and that I something about my father "bursting out of my grandmother's uterus on May 30th, 1944 (ewwww)". So, please let me know when the shunning has ended.

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  44. I'm not exactly sure what we've accomplished here today, but it feels important

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  45. Shame on all your houses...All are punished.

    Today's posts are out of control.

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