Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hypothetical Day After Hump Day: "Man or Dog?"


In honor of Heidi's first comment on the blog, I thought we should have a make-up Hypothetical Hump Day since yesterday was consumed with me angrily posting dogs and pogs.

And for those of you out there reading this and not commenting like Heidi used to do, let that be a lesson to you. I have 50 different rhyming picture punishments that I could unleash on you at anytime. So add yourself to the Members list on the left and post a comment every now and then - we want to hear from you. Especially Brett, he's been really lonely ever since quitting his job to become a professional fortune cookie writer. Turns out that is a really competitive market and he doesn't have the right background.

So moving on...Hypothetical Day After Hump Day: "Man or Dog"

Imagine that you and your faithful dog (assume it is not the same one from the cave, you got a new dog and got rid of that other stupid dog that was always wandering into caves with strangers and putting you in bad situations) are taking a vacation in Peru. You are looking forward to some rest, relaxation, and the chance to experience a new culture and terrain. You decide to hire a pilot to fly you around the area for sightseeing. He takes you and your dog up in a small airplane and the views are incredible. As you are flying over the Andes mountains the plane starts to sputter, the engines give out, and "speaking of tailspin," your plane spirals downwards and crashes into the mountains. You wake up in the debris of the plane to find the pilot and your dog dead. Your leg is injured, you can't walk, you are in the middle of a remote part of Peru in the mountains which are covered with snow, it's freakin' cold, you have no food, but you do have a knife and stuff to make a fire with. After a week without food or signs of rescue, you are starving and feeling hopeless. With your mouth watering you look over at your dead dog and pilot and decide it's time to make a tough decision, probably the toughest decision you have ever or will ever have to make....

Do you:

A. Eat your dog
B. Eat the pilot
C. Starve to death
D. Try crawling out of the mountains and freeze to death

31 comments:

  1. I would eat the pilot to gain enough strength to crawl out of the mountain. I'd take my dog with me and use her body for warmth. After I regain my strength, I would look for a highly skilled vet (trained at TX A&M) to examine my dog. The vet may determine that little Sammi is simply in shock but will make a full recovery. After a few days of TLC we go on our merry way and live happily ever after :-)

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  2. In honor of heidi being, as she would say "drunkied drunk drunk" she said she would eat her dog. I disagree with Heidi and am completely on board with nancy, and would eat the pilot...I mean who f**k is he? I don't even know him.

    I guess in Heidi's defense her dog is a good 50 lbs heavier than mine...much more food.

    In summary right now Heidi and I are eating the entire contents of our fridge, but don't worry she is cleaning as we go (yes she is ocd), and she is simultaneously singing "I believe I can fly" for reasons I can't explain....

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  3. First, Nancy, it's ridiculous that Sammi would even be considered. Unless you're treating yourself to some deserted/stranded multi-course last meal and Sammi is going to serve as the appitizer portion and her fur is your napkin, it would be a waste of energy trying to eat her. Also, if your dog has been dead in a freezing mountain for a week, and also the size of a medium size candle, taking her with your "for heat" might be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

    Second, I wouldn't even wait the week. As soon as that pilot has closed his eyes, his thigh is on a stick, roasting over a fire. I bet he's probably at least a little chubby, which means the fat juices will soak up into the meat and he'd be really tasty. If I start to get to cold, then I would have to skin my dog (yes, ewww and sad, but I'm cold!) and use his fur as a coat.

    Then hopefully a beautiful latina Peruvian woman would stumble upon my camp. We immediately make love and begin a tribe of our own. We survive off of eating other plane crash victims that subsequently slam into the mountains! Oh what a life!

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  4. First off, you have to consider the dogs size like everyone else stated. I mean, think of Lucy a few years ago…she could have feed a camp, but now not really. Then, what if you where suck with a dog like that little white yeppy one Lucy always wants to eat…your screwed.

    So I would eat the pilot, after all it was his stupid ars plane that got us into the mess in the first place. I prefer my human well done though, so hopefully that fire is hot.

    Also, I am surprised Casey did not say he would eat both at the same time.

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  5. Making a rad "Pilot taboggon" and storm Casey's new village with your dog(sicle) at your side.

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  6. I'm going to start with the snow being that most people can not survive more than 5 days without water, and possibly boil my own urine with the fire for more hydration. Then, I'm pretty much screwed.

    I'm hoping and praying that my hypothetical psycho boyfriend had a GPS tracker (Paul Blart Mall Cop)installed on my cell and he has sent Justin's facebook Mafia family to my rescue.

    I really doubt I would be able to eat the pilot, so lets start with the dog. People in Mexico & San Antonio sell doggy tacos from those portable push stations all the time.

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  7. Classic response Casey, and very similiar to what I would do. There's no way it would take me a week to eat that Pilot's ass. And I would wear my dogs head as a hat similiar to Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder with his Panda.

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  8. Okay, so, I didn't actually read the blog or any posts yet. I only read the title and looked at the picture. Based on only that, I'll say man. Definitely Man. I would totally eat a human.

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  9. These hypothetical situations work way better when you post our responses. I think it's time to quit doing your best FCC impression and let this bad boy fly. Honestly, how many comments have you rejected?

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  10. I agree with Brett! (That is said so much, we should just go ahead and make it a shorthand. Something like IAWB. Everyone will know what it means, and it will save time...Jake, stop taking so long to publish our GD comments.

    Nancy, it is a little weird that now that I have a job, I have more time to post. Hmmm. Oh well.

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  11. I'm not trying to be TOO critical, but I have two very valid points.

    Tiffany - I am pretty sure that snow is frozen water, so I would hope you wouldn't have to resort to drinking your urine.

    MB3K - For a well done steak you would actually prefer a lower heat, to cook the steak all the way through without charring the outside. The more rare you want your steak, the hotter you want your grill. OK, that was pretty critical, but I take steak very seriously.

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  12. Sorry Tiffany, I misunderstood what you said...I still think there will be enough snow to keep from drinking your own urine though!!

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  13. I agree with Brett...I say we need Rhinos and Albinos until Jake fixes this problem

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  14. Brett, those are valid points, but have you ever had a brain freeze? They suck, so I wanted to have a plan B. People are wanting to eat a dead human and you have an issue with me drinking my own urine?

    Also, body wastes are in urine, so by drinking it you are giving your body back some energy that went unused, it's a minimal amount, but we're talking about survival here!

    Tiffany

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  15. Necessary? is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?

    Probably not.

    No. But it's sterile and I like the taste!

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  16. Jake censored my post about relaxation...what am I saying there is a 90% chance you will not read this.

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  17. Jake do you need to make me an Admin so we can keep your blog alive while you are going on your second honeymoon?

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  18. Tiffany, you drinking your own urine when you are surrounded by snow would be like getting all the chicken sandwiches out of the way so you have room to fillet the pilot.

    If you choose not to eat the dog or the pilot then I suppose you have a valid point, as you will get at least some nutrients.

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  19. MB3k-
    There is a 90% chance nobody on this blog understands your last post. I get more confused every time I read it!!

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  20. sorry...second to last post...JAKE...keep up!

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  21. hahahahaha - "you drinking your own urine when you are surrounded by snow would be like getting all the chicken sandwiches out of the way so you have room to fillet the pilot."

    RABIES!!!!

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  22. Brett, I don't understand 95% of the stuff I say...so you are doing good

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  23. First, let me say, I fully support the idea of MB3K being an interim administrator.

    There's no way I'd wait for the pilot to die before eating him. No way.

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  24. ...and I'd probably share some of him with my dog.

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  25. Y'know, the more I think about this, the more I know I'm right. If I hire you to pilot a sight seeing plane for my dog and I, and you crash the plane, I'm eating you. I don't care if you crash us into a Luby's parking lot. You're gettin' ate.

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  26. I'm turning off the Big Brother feature so keep it family friendly and don't get me in trouble. Sorry that I sucked today.

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  27. Guys, today was a big day for us, we took out the man.

    Now Jake, what are we going to do why you are gone...my blog is just not as fun

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  28. I should still be able to post...you're not getting rid of me that easily.

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  29.   /l、
    ゙(゚、 。 7
     l、゙ ~ヽ
     じしf_, )ノ

    That is for Casey, see yesterdays blog

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  30. I don't think I could chow down on a pilot burger

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  31. I don't think I could stomach it, I'm taking my chances crawling down the mountain

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