Thursday, June 4, 2009

Hypothetical - Drug Money


New day, new hypothetical.

Imagine that it's a nice sunny day and you are taking a drive somewhere along the Texas-Mexico border. The top is down, wind is blowing through your hair (screw all of you - it's a hypothetical), and life is good. You pull off the road and decide to go for a walk. You are in a wide open desert-like environment and there is nobody around for miles. While on your walk you hear what sounds like a low-flying plane overhead and as you look up a small plane flys right over you heading towards Mexico. As it flys overhead you notice that the luggage door appears to have come loose and items fall from the plane. The plane does not change course and continues on until it's nothing more than a spec in the sky. You run over to the items that fell from the plane and see two tightly wrapped clear plastic bags filled with what you can only assume is cocaine. Also lying next to the packages is a large blue duffel bag. You unzip the bag and discovered that it is filled with money. It looks to be at least 1 million dollars.

What is your next move?
A. Just leave.
B. Leave everything where it is, call the police, and wait.
C. Take some of the cash, stash it, and then call the police and wait.
D. Take all of the cash, get in your car, and drive away.
E. Snort all of the coke, strip naked, make it rain, put all the cash in your car, and drive away.

47 comments:

  1. Holy crap I love my option E!!!

    This is one of those moral dilemnas and I have a hard time deciding what to do. The part of me that greatly respects my father and his unquestioning high-valued morals says that I should choose B because that is the right thing to do and that is how I should always base my decisions. But the part of me that knows that we live in an every-man-for-himself society and that my father's morals only exist in a just society where this money would be put to good and not just go in somebody else's pocket says that this is my lucky day and I can use this money to benefit those around me and myself.

    This is a tough one but the more I think about it, I'm probably going to go with option D. If you chose E however, give me a call and I will party balls with you!

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  2. JB - Don't beat yourself up about it. With that much money you can buy new morals. I think I would take the cash. Maybe I would also cut open the cocaine packages and empty them on the ground so that some kid doesn't stumble upon it.

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  3. This is the easiest one yet:

    Take the cash and the cocaine to Vegas. Gamble with the money and pay the strippers and the hookers with the cocaine. With that much cocaine, you will be able to get the classiest hookers Vegas has to offer.

    -Dylan

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  4. You better believe I'm takin' the money, finding and jettisoning any tracking device, selling the coke, and laundering the cash as quickly and cleanly as possible.

    Oh, and buying guns and lots o' ammo.

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  5. B. is the obvious answer for a couple of reasons.

    1. It's the "right" thing to do.

    2. The police will take the money, but if no one claims it, you get to keep it, and who is going to claim the money when it's surrounded by cocaine (which might actually be a good way to launder money)?

    Also, where was option F: Using the money to provide capital for a new cartel and the cocaine as the initial product, and let that moolah and nose candy begin your Drug Czar career?

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  6. For anyone who has seen No Country For Old Men, you better be careful just taking the money. Like Boss said, make sure you are not being tracked in any way whatsoever. That being said, I'm taking the money, leaving the coke, and would probably hide the money for at least a year to avoid raising any red flags to the drug lords.

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  7. Yes Casey. I'm sure the police will give you the money.

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  8. they have to. It's the law. I've seen it on TWO different TV shows.

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  9. I forgot to reference both Family Guy and Family Matters in my first comment. My bad.

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  10. Wasn't the Dad in Family Matters a cop? If so, your right, he would know.

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  11. That said, this is on the border. If you were going to call the police, would it be the Mexican police or the US police?

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  12. When commenting on today's blog, one should keep in mind...

    It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page. Love and tradition (of the grand design), some people say, is even harder to find.

    I also ask you...

    Whatever happened to predictability, the milkman, the paperboy, and evening TV?

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  13. I'm calling the Texas Minutemen...they always know the right thing to do.

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  14. Matt, you call the police in the country you are in. The Mexican police will not do anything you are not in Mexico. I have seen No Country for Old Men, and yes...you should not just take money. Plus that movie sucked A holes. Also if you did claim the money you can't really do much with it. You can't put it in the bank without the IRS knowing, you can't buy a car as anything over 9,000 in cash is reported to the IRS. You can take it to Vegas, but will only beable to gamble in small numbers to stay under the radar. Also you can't touch the cocain as someone will find it. I would just call the cops.

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  15. I said Vegas, but you could also take it to Jakes family owned casino.

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  16. Justin, Sorry that this headline had to come out, just as you were getting ready to vamp up your downline! http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/32609/the-truth-about-energy-drinks/

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  17. Yeah...good point Kevin, what could anyone do with a million dollars cash?....wait a sec...

    A) Spending money for the rest of your life.

    B) Vacation money for the rest of your life.

    C) Drug and prostitute money for the rest of your life.

    D) Slowly deposit it into your bank account.

    E) Go to a different country and do whatever you want with it

    F) Throw it all on your bed and just roll around in it whenever you get depressed.

    G) Buy happiness

    H) Buy Love

    My point is, you can do a lot of things with 1 million dollars cash. And the only reason to not allow the IRS to know about it is to keep from paying taxes. You can't get in trouble for just having a million dollars. You can make up any story you want. i.e. Some stranger gave me a million dollars cash and ran off.

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  18. I do however agree with you that No Country was a crappy movie. I don't think I have ever been so underwhelmed with a film. I really can't see why people like that movie, and plenty do. Someone here likes it...tell me why.

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  19. Brett, I did not say you could do nothing with the money...you just can't go an spend it all at once or deposit it all in your account. That is why I brought up the Vegas thing, you could hit the casinos all the time.
    If you where Dylan, you could buy all the 18 year old strippers you wanted.
    If you where Casey you could buy everyone a spell checker and grammar book.
    If you where Justin, you could become your own downline and take your drinks to the next level.

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  20. If you were Kevin you would misspell "were" 3 times in a row

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  21. Kevin doesn't need a million bucks to do that. Hell, look at my cousin! He's broke and can't spell shit!

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  22. Kevin, the beauty of this forum is that you can't retract statements:

    "Also if you did claim the money you can't really do much with it."

    And like I said, you could deposit all of the money into your account the next day as long as you are willing to pay the taxes. Just have a good story that can't be disproven and there is nothing they can do.

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  23. hahahahaha...good one Jake.

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  24. Hypothetical's are fun. I vote for hypothetical Mondays from now on.

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  25. Ok, good point...I guess I did say that. And Justin is correct, 5 Million dollars will not improve my spelling.

    So just for Jake:
    If you "where" Kevin, you still could not spell with drug money.

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  26. Moonbeam 3000 - When you're right, you're right

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  27. Wednesday is the perfect day for hypothetical's. I vote for "Hypothetical Hump-Day" or "Would-you-rather Wednesday's"

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  28. I don't know if that was a typo or on purpose ...but I can't stop laughing!

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  29. never mind read it too quickly...

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  30. Take the money and leave the coke, give me a break. Just don’t be stupid about what you do with it.

    Next Song.

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  31. Alright wise guy, then to continue with Vanessa's twist from yesterday... Would you still leave the coke behind even if it was attached (with unbreakable rope) to one of the drug dealers really young, hot girlfriends that fell out of the plane with it? Assuming that her grill wasn't all jacked up from the fall from the low flying plane. And assuming that she is just as attracted to you as you are to her.

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  32. Would I ever be able to seperate the coke from the girl? Ever?

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  33. So are you telling me this smoking hot girl cant remove the rope, well that sucks because the first time you take her out for a date you are going to get busted for drugs.

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  34. Eric - Please don't be ridiculous. I already said it was an unbreakable rope.

    Moonbeam 3000 - Why do you think they invented MC Hammer pants and puffy sweaters?

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  35. Kevin...why do you hate hypotheticals?

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  36. Where is the rope attached?

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  37. You could empty the coke out of the bag and then you would only have a rope permanently attached to the girl. Which, I am sure most of you disappropriate guys would enjoy.

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  38. I love hypotheticals ;-). Ok, Jake, you send she is a girl...and as all the males on the site know, girls care about their clothing and would not be caught alive wearing MC Hammer pants unless it was the 90's.

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  39. Casey, that article on energy drinks was almost as exciting as No Country for Old Men. I am amazed that energy drinks are full of sugar and caffeine and that is what gives you energy. I am flipping out. And not because I went to the store on my lunch break and bought every energy drink I could find to test the products myself, but because that story was so mind-blowing.

    I am surprised Manana, Fizbitch, or Gun didn't make the list. At least then it would not have been a complete waste of ten minutes of my life.

    And Casey, what are the odds that you sue a nursing home with the company you are trying to start, but defend the nursing home with your new job?

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  40. Yeah Casey that article actually reinforces why Efusjon is better than the crap listed. My drink doesn't pack in the sugars plus there is a caffeine free version of it! Talk about the wave of the future!

    Now if only I could get some more people in my downline...

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  41. Take the coke too

    Kevin...stop being like that and make a decision.

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  42. No guff, Eric. Why is everyone leaving the coke behind? I've never done coke, ever. But am I the only one who knows where to unload two giant bags of coke? I doubt it. Quit being such pussies.

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  43. Oh, and Casey, Brett's sarcastic and biting response to your energy drink article was just what the doctor ordered. I expect you'll be more selective in the future. Carry on.

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  44. Ya'll are so ridiculous-it is hilarious. :)

    I just have a quick question, would you call the girl attached to the coke, "Coker"??

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